Thought Leadership
The more complex the structures of cooperation in a company are, the more demands its managers are confronted with. How can managers analyze and reduce this pressure and constant stress without losing their identity?
“Everyone is tugging at me.” That’s what the division manager of a medium-sized company – let’s call him Hans Huber – said to me recently during a coaching session. “Who is everyone?” I asked him and recorded his statement in a drawing. I then handed it to him with the words “These are your clients” (see Figure 1).
“So many. I wasn’t aware of that,” said Huber thoughtfully. “But it’s true. There are more and more. That’s why I’m finding it increasingly difficult to maintain my personal line.”
Tasks pile up on the desk
He then told me about the tasks that land on his desk almost every day. Employees expect a decision. External partners and service providers want to know how to proceed. The company’s board and shareholders want an investment plan. Managers ask him to clarify a conflict. The bank invites him to a meeting to discuss the course of business. Key customers demand “better” conditions. The neighboring school wants internships for its students. The Chamber of Industry and Commerce would like him to take part in a panel discussion on “Leadership in the context of AI”.
Your own aspirations fall by the wayside
And somewhere between all these tasks and requirements that need to be fulfilled lies a sheet of paper with Huber’s personal notes. The divisional manager made these during his last vacation, when he spent an evening reflecting on the expectations he had when he started his career.
Huber wanted to be successful. However, he wanted to remain “true to himself” and “human”. And what became of it? Huber is successful – without a doubt! But at what cost? He hardly shows any emotion in his day-to-day work. Tough conversations are considered his strength. There is hardly any time for personal words. And it’s not unusual for Huber to have to dismiss employees and haggle with them over their severance pay – professionally and routinely, but sometimes to the limits of fairness.
Huber sees this as part of his job. Nevertheless, he often doesn’t feel comfortable with it, because the failure of employees is often not just their fault. He should have looked after them more – even when working from home; he should have given them feedback more often and intervened earlier in some cases. But where does he find the time?
The personal vision
While on vacation, Huber also wrote down which goals and values were important to him when he started his career and still are today.
This helped him to throw himself back into work with renewed confidence after the break. And in the first four days, he also had the satisfying feeling of finally having a common thread for his actions again.
But on the fifth day, shortly before the weekend, he had to tell the young, ambitious employee Carla Martins that her project was coming to an end. Not arbitrarily, but because turnover and earnings had unexpectedly fallen and the company’s financial situation no longer left any scope for major investments. It was only three months ago that he had painstakingly explained the importance of the project to Ms. Martins, who then enthusiastically took on the task – also because she saw it as a development opportunity for herself. And now the end. Mr. Huber stood helplessly opposite Ms. Martins, who did not understand or did not want to understand the decision – also because her “boss” could not show her any new development prospects. “You said how important the project was. You signaled to me when….” Statements that Huber could only affirm.
This day was followed by further “fifth days” and Mr. Huber’s feeling intensified once again:
- “Everyone is tugging at me!”
- “I’ve lost the thread.”
- “I’m just reacting and have become a pawn of external constraints.”
Yet he had only put his vision on paper a few weeks ago while on vacation.
Escaping the “vicious circle”
Mr. Huber looked at my sketch of his clients with corresponding disillusionment. And then he said: “Okay, they all expect something from me. So much for the analysis, but what now?” I asked him to write down on a form next to his clients what they wanted or demanded from him.
I then asked him how he normally deals with such requests. His answer: “I analyze who the client is. How important is the relationship with him for me? What does he do for me? What must/should I do for him? And then ….” I nodded: “Okay, then you have a benchmark to answer the question in the third column: “What am I prepared to do?”
Questioning the permanent “must”
That seemed plausible to Huber. But he quickly came to the point: “But if the financiers…, then I have to ….” He got stuck at this point, because he also had to say “If the colleagues…”, “If the customers…” and so on. Only with his family he didn’t have to – they could wait.
It took some time to lead Mr. Huber through questions to the new view: “I don’t have to (especially as I’m already largely financially secure). It’s always my decision whether I …”.
Huber then began to see the demands in a new light. He reorganized and prioritized them and formulated rules for himself on how he wanted to deal with incompatible demands in the future.
The own claim
But how should Mr. Huber deal with the client’s “own claim”? “He can’t sanction my behavior, unlike the donors or customers.” “Really?” I asked. “How do you feel when you use all your routine and power against an employee or external partner and go to the limits of fairness?” Huber became thoughtful: “Very modest or lousy, at least as a person.” So Huber’s own demands on himself as a person have the same effect as a client, only on a different level. Unfortunately, however, we usually don’t know him exactly.
So I asked Mr. Huber to visualize his own demands as his “inner client”. He called him “my values lawyer” and analyzed what demands he makes of him before finally clarifying for himself to what extent he wants to meet his demands in the future.
Once Huber had clarified this, he became calmer. His inner pressure eased because he had a common thread again. Huber then formulated five steps for himself as to how he would first analyze which demands he wanted to meet and which he did not want to meet in the future when the pressure increased, instead of just reacting . After that, he felt ready for everyday (management) life again.
Changing attitudes and behavior for the long term
Nevertheless, Mr. Huber decided to continue receiving coaching at regular intervals over the coming months in order to have an “external sparring partner with a neutral perspective” in his day-to-day work. Because he knew from experience: “Otherwise, there’s a great risk that I’ll fall back into my old behavioral patterns that I’ve trained over the years in stressful situations and that the changes in attitude and behavior I’m striving for won’t be sustainable. This gave him the desired feeling of security.
